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hello ! my name is melanie, but most call me melly, mel, meli etc.

i was diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety and ocd in the earlier stages of my life. 

my depression fluctuates a lot. so i'll have some highs and some lows.

when i am low, i tend to be unmotivated to do much and i remain longer in bed.

however, it's taken a lot of years but i'm with a pretty stable doctor who knows what medication to prescribe so i've been much more healthier, mental health wise.

i'm currently an artist who was self-taught but realized that being self-taught didn't help me grow, so i'm currently taking classes to learn more about the basic fundamentals of art that i never got to learn. i hope that by learning new skills, it'll give me more confidence as an artist and also relieve the unmotivated feelings to finish artwork.

aside from that, i'm in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for a couple years now. he's my rock, and guides me to safety.

i'm an absolute animal lover, especially dogs. i cry (from happiness) at most dog videos. but i also like other types of animals too!

thanks for reading & i hope everyone has a nice day / night. ♥ tumblr_inline_nk96ornbcd1ry72eo.gif

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My name is Posi

But my real name is Ariel

I've been suffering with anxiety, panic attacks and depression since elementary school

It didn't start getting worse until last year.

I've been doing what I can to stay positive for the most part

But since I quit my last job from my mental breakdown, finding a new job has been a lot harder than usual

I cry and get scared a lot. Everything happens in bursts and I've been smoking to control my emotions better this whole time

Sadly, I even was suppose to be baptized today but my anxiety and depression got the best of me that I didn't even go

Bills are piling up and my bf just got his car towed and sent to the impound and we can't afford to get it out.

Lol my life is seriously spiraling out of control and I don't know what to do but cry.

If it wasn't for my bf and the gasr community, I would be in a much darker place.

So both the gasr community and my bf are the main things that make me happy right now.

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hi, my name is mya and I have severe depression/anxiety. I got diagnosed at like age 14 because I was getting bullied in middle school. It was the worst time of my life. I then started self harming and having suicidal thoughts. Through the years, I begin to control all of that but I still get really bad panic attacks and sometimes it's so hard to control them. I have medication but sometimes it doesn't help. I learned how to use other methods like listening to calm music helps and talking it out with someone is another thing that helps me a lot. I have now art which is also another coping thing that distracts me when I feel sad or anxious. If it wasn't for art or the many wonderful friends that I have made on gasr, I'd probably be in a darker place. Also of course my family is the more important focus in my life right now. 

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Hello, my name’s Jee and I have depression, panic attacks and anxiety. 

I never thought of having depression until this year, I never imagine myself inflicting self harm and have suicidal thoughts since growing up I’ve been pretty cheerful until this year. My Depression manifested itself last January, I started to decline eating and my weight dropped and I also have several mood swings, I always cry myself to sleep and I keep asking myself why is this happening? Nobody/nothing hurt me? Or is it? And since then I always have this urge to cut my wrist, I have stopped cutting my wrist last month and now the scars are healed but it’s still there but just like blur lines. I also have anxiety and panic attacks and what pains me the most is that my anxiety gets mistaken by my guardians as being dependent to them or being lazy. But now I’m trying my best to get back to my feet and that is all thanks to my friend who is always my ears even tho she don’t know how to respond but she always make sure that she will always listen to me. 


Edited by Precures
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Hello there my name is ciera & I've had depression for many years now i just haven't taken any medicine for it because i really hate how it makes you feel,  like i'm fake happy and my emotions are all twisted into one fated moment and i don't know what to do about it. There have been moments where i just wanted to break down and cry but you know i feel like that's a waste of time doing that so i pretty much write poems or in my journal to get it all out. I wouldn't say i got better over time i just have my moments where i lose it and i don't want to go down that path again . 

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Hello! Hello! Hello!

This is the first time I'm openly posting on a group on GASR to the people here and it's frightening that I might be off topic most of this. My name is Sierra and I do often succumb to depression, anxiety and the rest that comes alongside, my little dark balls always orbiting. Though; it's been a rough couple of years, I cannot remember the exact momentums of when those emotions didn't hinder me. I've come to a realization that the best memories are often the ones that happen in the most unusal ways, that despite the harshness of reality, each of us has a compassion and to always remember that. Each emotion comes and goes, each are experienced for a fragment of time.This year has been difficult, extremely difficult. There was a time when I lost 100 pounds in weight and almost lost all the hair upon my head due to personal heath issues, I've sat on the rooftop of the building I live in, drunk out of my mind and ready to let go only to hesitate that the person who found my remains would be scarred. Instead, I watched the sun rise and forgotten how beautiful it was, that was my savior for the next several days in biting cold weather, alone. The scars that were made were reopened and the blood stains that left reminders onto pages soaked with tears, didn't aid either when I tried to fill the silences with poetry. When I lifted my arms to count the stars I could feel the throbbing underneath my skin but, instead reminded myself to count the stars instead. It was the hardest time when I wanted to let go and each time it gets harder. Now, I'm slowly progressing a bit but it was not easy, not easy to end friendships that did no good and make decisions that influenced terrible things, it's not easy to regain back yourself, it's not impossible though. Depression hasn't been a friend despite trying to understand it and anxiety always comes along as a best friend. You lose yourself to an abyss and end up walking towards a light you'll have to make out of your own flesh, you'll meet people who change your life in that moment. I've had the luck of meeting such people who now are distant. I love them each and always even if they aren't here now.

We're are our own galaxies, sometimes colliding with another and sometimes passing each other, being far off in the distance. Shining either way.

 It's not easy to covey these feelings and be honest on a group, but here I am.

To me, you're all brave.

Always here for each of you, if you ever need someone.

 

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On 8/19/2018 at 6:15 PM, Posi said:

My name is Posi

But my real name is Ariel

I've been suffering with anxiety, panic attacks and depression since elementary school

It didn't start getting worse until last year.

I've been doing what I can to stay positive for the most part

But since I quit my last job from my mental breakdown, finding a new job has been a lot harder than usual

I cry and get scared a lot. Everything happens in bursts and I've been smoking to control my emotions better this whole time

Sadly, I even was suppose to be baptized today but my anxiety and depression got the best of me that I didn't even go

Bills are piling up and my bf just got his car towed and sent to the impound and we can't afford to get it out.

Lol my life is seriously spiraling out of control and I don't know what to do but cry.

If it wasn't for my bf and the gasr community, I would be in a much darker place.

So both the gasr community and my bf are the main things that make me happy right now.

@Posi Hi pose, thanks to enjoy my group!

Please don't let you'r anxiety control you! Tell her that you're stronger than her! 

You should think positively, hope I can help you, pm me if you need! 

On 8/19/2018 at 5:21 PM, doll said:

hello ! my name is melanie, but most call me melly, mel, meli etc.

i was diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety and ocd in the earlier stages of my life. 

my depression fluctuates a lot. so i'll have some highs and some lows.

when i am low, i tend to be unmotivated to do much and i remain longer in bed.

however, it's taken a lot of years but i'm with a pretty stable doctor who knows what medication to prescribe so i've been much more healthier, mental health wise.

i'm currently an artist who was self-taught but realized that being self-taught didn't help me grow, so i'm currently taking classes to learn more about the basic fundamentals of art that i never got to learn. i hope that by learning new skills, it'll give me more confidence as an artist and also relieve the unmotivated feelings to finish artwork.

aside from that, i'm in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for a couple years now. he's my rock, and guides me to safety.

i'm an absolute animal lover, especially dogs. i cry (from happiness) at most dog videos. but i also like other types of animals too!

thanks for reading & i hope everyone has a nice day / night. ♥ tumblr_inline_nk96ornbcd1ry72eo.gif

 

@doll Hi mel, I'm glad you are doing better right now, hope it continues! 

Good luck with your art hope  you can learn it all! 

 

On 8/19/2018 at 6:39 PM, Mya said:

hi, my name is mya and I have severe depression/anxiety. I got diagnosed at like age 14 because I was getting bullied in middle school. It was the worst time of my life. I then started self harming and having suicidal thoughts. Through the years, I begin to control all of that but I still get really bad panic attacks and sometimes it's so hard to control them. I have medication but sometimes it doesn't help. I learned how to use other methods like listening to calm music helps and talking it out with someone is another thing that helps me a lot. I have now art which is also another coping thing that distracts me when I feel sad or anxious. If it wasn't for art or the many wonderful friends that I have made on gasr, I'd probably be in a darker place. Also of course my family is the more important focus in my life right now. 

@MyaHi mya, I know what you feel, but please don't let it put you down, if you need I'm here to talk about anything!

 

On 8/19/2018 at 6:56 PM, Precures said:

Hello, my name’s Jee and I have depression, panic attacks and anxiety. 

I never thought of having depression until this year, I never imagine myself inflicting self harm and have suicidal thoughts since growing up I’ve been pretty cheerful until this year. My Depression manifested itself last January, I started to decline eating and my weight dropped and I also have several mood swings, I always cry myself to sleep and I keep asking myself why is this happening? Nobody/nothing hurt me? Or is it? And since then I always have this urge to cut my wrist, I have stopped cutting my wrist last month and now the scars are healed but it’s still there but just like blur lines. I also have anxiety and panic attacks and what pains me the most is that my anxiety gets mistaken by my guardians as being dependent to them or being lazy. But now I’m trying my best to get back to my feet and that is all thanks to my friend who is always my ears even tho she don’t know how to respond but she always make sure that she will always listen to me. 

@Precures Hi Jea, you have all of them? omg. Don't cut yourself you don't deserve it, just think that you are so pretty to do that to your body..! 

What is your dream? what do you want to do in life? Fight for it, fight for yourself because YOU deserve it! 

 

On 8/20/2018 at 6:47 PM, Zvirx said:

Hello there my name is ciera & I've had depression for many years now i just haven't taken any medicine for it because i really hate how it makes you feel,  like i'm fake happy and my emotions are all twisted into one fated moment and i don't know what to do about it. There have been moments where i just wanted to break down and cry but you know i feel like that's a waste of time doing that so i pretty much write poems or in my journal to get it all out. I wouldn't say i got better over time i just have my moments where i lose it and i don't want to go down that path again . 

@Zvirx Hi ciera, if to write those poems make you feel better just go with that! 

Let yourself enjoy it, let you flow.

 

15 hours ago, Sanctify said:

Hello! Hello! Hello!

This is the first time I'm openly posting on a group on GASR to the people here and it's frightening that I might be off topic most of this. My name is Sierra and I do often succumb to depression, anxiety and the rest that comes alongside, my little dark balls always orbiting. Though; it's been a rough couple of years, I cannot remember the exact momentums of when those emotions didn't hinder me. I've come to a realization that the best memories are often the ones that happen in the most unusal ways, that despite the harshness of reality, each of us has a compassion and to always remember that. Each emotion comes and goes, each are experienced for a fragment of time.This year has been difficult, extremely difficult. There was a time when I lost 100 pounds in weight and almost lost all the hair upon my head due to personal heath issues, I've sat on the rooftop of the building I live in, drunk out of my mind and ready to let go only to hesitate that the person who found my remains would be scarred. Instead, I watched the sun rise and forgotten how beautiful it was, that was my savior for the next several days in biting cold weather, alone. The scars that were made were reopened and the blood stains that left reminders onto pages soaked with tears, didn't aid either when I tried to fill the silences with poetry. When I lifted my arms to count the stars I could feel the throbbing underneath my skin but, instead reminded myself to count the stars instead. It was the hardest time when I wanted to let go and each time it gets harder. Now, I'm slowly progressing a bit but it was not easy, not easy to end friendships that did no good and make decisions that influenced terrible things, it's not easy to regain back yourself, it's not impossible though. Depression hasn't been a friend despite trying to understand it and anxiety always comes along as a best friend. You lose yourself to an abyss and end up walking towards a light you'll have to make out of your own flesh, you'll meet people who change your life in that moment. I've had the luck of meeting such people who now are distant. I love them each and always even if they aren't here now.

We're are our own galaxies, sometimes colliding with another and sometimes passing each other, being far off in the distance. Shining either way.

 It's not easy to covey these feelings and be honest on a group, but here I am.

To me, you're all brave.

Always here for each of you, if you ever need someone.

 

@Sanctify Helloo sierra, I'm so glad you are posting it in my group I'm really proud of you, for opening yourself with us/me.

omg, I don't know what to say because you said everything, we are our own galaxies, and we should fight for US not for anyone, but us!

Do it for yourself, be better for you. 

Thanks for that words, really! Loved to read that and if you need something I'm always here to listen! 

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40 minutes ago, Useo said:

I'm diagnosed bipolar and prescribed meds for it. I fear I'm letting it get the best of me. I wanna diiiieeeeeeee.

@UseoOmg don’t say that! Life is so beautiful you just need to find the beauty in her! :psobbing::phearteyes:

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Hello my name's Dessie or dess whichever is fine. I've had depression basically all of my life it started when i was a kid and i was in and out of hospitals growing up from being suicidal. I would like to say I have it under control now but I really don't and lately my depression has just reached a point in my life where lately I've been reconsidering life and now sadly the suicidal thoughts have abruptly come back. It started a little over a month ago when my now ex boyfriend was abusing me emotionally and physically to the point where i cried myself to sleep every night asking myself "why me". It came to a point where he ended up almost choking me to death one day and he ended up in jail then I made my escape and fled back to the state where I came from which took 4 days by bus. I thought going home and starting fresh and getting to see my mother all  over again would be amazing but i was completely wrong. Within this past week my mother has basically told me I'm nothing to her and just last night she tried kicking me out and told me to move out right this time and take all my things with me.

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Hi, My name is Katie

I have been struggling with mental illness since i was really young, ive always been afraid of speaking up because i usually got knocked down. I was bullied for most of my life and even when i did stand up for myself i just didnt end up with friends in the long wrong.

I have been suffering anxiety, ptsd, depression, bipolar disorder and panic attacks. I also have a slight disorder that makes it hard for me to hear a lot of noises of different frequencies going on around me and it makes me panic and also very manic

Ever since i was 12 or 13 i have always been a talkative person but my emotions were bouncing up and down and my first year of high school i was told that i was just a growing teenager that mood swings are normal. 

My first ever visible panic attack was when i was 15 and i got scared of the noises around me and to many people made me feel closed in so went out side then ran to the nurses office where i tried to calm down.

I remember having some emotional moments where i couldn't control things around me and felt unstable so i would play games or try to cope in that way. 

Coming to find out that i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psycotic tendendies along with severe anxiety and trauma

I lost my mom when i was 11 and i feel that might have been when everything started to trigger. 

My ptsd also started from younger than then gradually got worse when i went through hurricanes right after she died

My past is where alot of my fears and things like nightmares could come from but i could go on and on but i dont want this to be to long and seem like a rant xD

When people tell me they feel anxious just a little stressed and jittery towards a situation, i sometimes wish it was that simple to just come and go.

 

But its not ever like that im one of those people that could talk to you about your ups and your downs and be as blunt or as much of smartass as i can be just to get you to smile because even though im going through voices in my head about all the crap in my life seeing someone else smiles puts a warm place in my heart so if anyone is feeling alone or lost im always around..

 


Edited by Zaffre
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hi, my name is Julia. I suffer from panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 12 and been suffering panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I've been prescribed medication and took it shortly before it stopped working. my doctor upped my dosage which meant I had to take larger pills. I can't swallow pills unless they are teeny tiny (I've even struggled with tiny birth control pills). because of this, I am off my depression/anxiety meds, but I still have pills I take whenever I have a panic attack.

the only person in my family who understands what I'm going through is my dad. he also has depression. he used to be on medication but stopped taking it a few years after I was born. he now self-medicates; usually by drinking or smoking. I've always been a daddy's little girl because even though I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was 16, I always knew something was wrong with me. something was off from me and the rest of my family, and he was the only one who understood what I was going through. I felt a special connection to him because my mother, grandparents, and 4 older siblings can't relate to what I go through. then one day when I was 9 years old, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. this is when my depression started to get terrible, but even when they were able to remove the cancer (which I am so grateful for), my depression never went away. for 7 years he was doing better until he was diagnosed with a terminal lung illness. to this day he still smokes and drinks. I feel alone and betrayed because for the past 4 years he's been distancing himself from his whole family, including me. I get to see him once a year. I wish he would let me come to visit more. it makes me feel alone and like a burden knowing the only person in my family who understands what I'm going through doesn't even want to see me before it's too late. the last time I texted him he told me he'd call me the next day to make plans for a visit. I haven't heard from him yet. it's been over a month.

I'm also currently grieving over the loss of my cat. she was the only good thing I had when I moved to this town when my mom got re-married. had to deal with a new stepdad, 2 new siblings, new town, new school, and leave all my friends behind. she was my everything. I felt comfort in her when I couldn't find it anywhere else. tonight will mark the 2 weeks of her being gone.

 

I'm sorry for the life story btw. I just haven't ranted in so long and felt the need to get it off my chest. I hate asking people for help because my anxiety tells me not to because I'll just bring others down/bother people. 


Edited by Hold

some typos
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Hey @ISow

Thank you so much for all your attention, answering to everybody This is so damn cute and nice and ohhhh, it makes me smile.

And yeah, everybody tells me about that "look at the mirror and say you are pretty and good". Well I don't really believe in such things and already tried but well, maybe I'll try again ^^ Hope you are fine, btw.

 

Hope you all are fine, even if life is complicated. This group already helped me by existing and letting me know I'm not alone and not the only one.

Feels weird to talk about it but also good at the same time.

Thinking about you all and wishing the best of luck and strengh to go through all this shit !

 

(sorry for my english, don't blame me pls if you see shitty mistakes)

 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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@Dessie I'm feeling so bad and sad for read those things that happened to you! That's so bad and stupid, they don't deserve you babe you are a good and pretty person I'm sure you are! :phearteyes: Just get up and "poop" in they're face, show them who you are and how good! :byaslove:

 

@Zaffre Omg, you have so many things and I think i'm bad with panic atacks.. :gross: I think that's because the dead of your mom, it made you change and to be "adult" and probably wasn't the right time! 

"But its not ever like that im one of those people that could talk to you about your ups and your downs and be as blunt or as much of smartass as i can be just to get you to smile because even though im going through voices in my head about all the crap in my life seeing someone else smiles puts a warm place in my heart so if anyone is feeling alone or lost im always around.." Loved this words because it's all I feel about everyone and think, and makes me happy to put a smile in another person and confort them!

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@Hold Loved to read all of your story you may always count with me, for anything, everything! I know you don't know me but it's with the best intentions! :lazeflirt: I don't want you to feel alone hope you can see a sholder in me, one hand! :byaslove:

 

@Overkill  My intention with this group was that, help the others.. That makes me feel better with myself, more confortable idk why but it makes me happy to know I'm helping someone, even when I don't know the person.. I'm sure if you try you  will be more confident, sometimes it works for me sometimes don't but I've changed so much since last year.. I didn't love myself and now I'm the first one, I love me before the others! Because we all are pretty each one in each way but whe are! 

 

I'm glad you like this group, this is for all and for anything! Everyone can post here anything that are thinking about and if you want some privacy just pm me, don't worry I will be there for anyone! :phearteyes:

 

@Saiko Hi babe, Im sure you are and everyone as his/her own style you just have  to find yours.. I don't like my art too but it distracts me and I like when people (rearely) buy it! It's good to practice and buy some tutorials or see in youtube, it would help babe! 


Edited by ISow
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Then I'm glad it helps you too, this group is great for anybody and that's amazing. @ISow

And I see what you mean. What helped me - even if it sounds kinda stupid - was to become a metalhead. I'm feeling myself and it helps not giving a shit and knowing I'm part of an awsome community who drink beer and say shit. Maybe it's why I feel like screaming "i liek metal hi" everywhere in this forum xD

Guess a lot of things can help as long as you find whats good for you ^^

 

I don't really need to talk to somebody rn, I feel nice these days. Life got highs and lows (can we say it in english ?)

But thank you for asking, I'm here too if you need someone to talk to !

:pblushing:

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@Saiko Sure you can! :byaslove:    

 

@Overkill I think it helps everyone, yes you are right we just have to find what makes us feel better, let us be us. To know new people, new ways to live, travel.. anything just don't stop in your seat and look at the window.. LIVE!

 

I'm so happy to hear that babe, Yes you can say that in english ahah

For now I'm feeling ok, and happy! Since I've moved from Portugal to Switzerland I'm feeling better, there was some people who made me feel bad! :pthinking:

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Hello! My name is Jen

I'm 24 years old and from Canada, BC

I've had depression and anxiety for 6 years now

//////

My parents physically and emotional abused me since i was 13

I was sexually abused when I was 19. (I was still a virgin too, so my first time was not how i wanted it to be)

I told a couple friends, they all thought I lied and wanted attention. I was good friends with one of them for 15 years.

I was extremely suicidal, I try not to think about it and think about the newer future. 

//////

I find music helps me sometimes, I can't listen to some songs because it just effects an anxiety attack.

I find coloring helps a lot as well and gaming.

My boyfriend is very supportive, he tries and keeps my mind of it.

//////

I hope you make the right friends and not fake ones that drop you over something like this. And know that life gets better one day at a time.

 

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