Martinus

 

Hi All! 3 new Valentine DP's up in my shop!! Click the header to teleport your way there in a heartbeat.    Also 2 supernatural babes left. It's the 14th here now, and it's the day my grandmother has passed away 9 years ago. I have so many remembrances of her, she was a wonderful lady filled with all kinds of fantasy stories. I'm pretty sure I owe my imagination and personality to her. So I'll get my mom some flowers later to support her and I might do a little drawing for my grandma.  She always loved fairies and witches, and I really want to do a piece in thought of her. 

 

Lastly, I been still recovering from some things, but I believe my hand is almost back to being healthy. 

 

Thank you for reading! Happy Valentine. 

I'm so thankful for the people far over the globe who have a resting effect on me. 

@StarBooty @captainkaddy @Egyptian

Thank you guys for being there for me even when I'm the biggest ass. 

 

I owe you. 

Premades are UP!  Thank you for checking out!! 

 

 

Hey hey everyone!!  6 new DP's coming tonight in my shop!!

 

Posting a little update as I haven't in two weeks. I been working on some DP's on and off in the past month, also some gift art and some personal art while trying to keep up with all my uni deadlines, LOL.  And guess what? I passed all my exams and have all my points for my reports. 

 

Not much about my hand injury has changed. Although there's no pain, there's still some occasional numbness in my thumb and I don't expect it to go away unless I wear a brace for it, I do plan on visiting a doctor for that. But as long as I take plenty of breaks I can draw!  Thank you for reading!

 

 

A little personal, if you want to read:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm live for a little bit. <3 I haven't been on in a while, so if you PM'ed etc and I haven't replied yet, I'll get back to you soon. i've been taking a lot of time off for myself because i needed it, but I'll back as soon as I can. Thank you for understanding, and enjoy my stream in the meanwhile! 

 

 

live for a short while! I´ll try to talk but it´s 3 AM and IDK if my mic can pick sounds up. Would love to finally paint a bit again as I haven´t done much in the past.

 

 

Taking my parents out for some night McDrive... Way to start the holiday season! 

We'll be working hard in the coming days before Christmas to get some stuff done in the house as we have a lot of moving to do, so time to do some crazy things first to lift up the mood!

 

 

 

Enjoy the holidays y'all. <3

 

A Status Update:

My hand has recovered for the most part, so I will be working on Christmas gifts if I can. Unfortunately I randomly strained it during the weekend cleaning stuff? So I do have to take it easy yet still. Recovery has been going for a month and it honestly sucks, I can barely do the things I love but I want to so I won't let myself get down so easily. 

 

Here's My Plan:

1. Secret Santa comes first.

2. I have some other GASR festivity freebies planned for a few people, which I hopefully can do afterwards.

3. Once the festivity ends, I'll come with a new premade collection for January that I've been planning for a while.

4. If all goes as I plan and my uni grades keep up I will open a private commission shop afterwards to hopefully meet the expectations of so many requests. I'm honoured to have received so many comments and love. I'm very grateful to a lot of you for having accepted me in the community and seeing some of you hype up for my art means the world to me. 

 

I'm only here for art and the love for art. And the interaction and appreciation I receive back from a lot of you really help me. 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to paint tonight, but had writing inspiration as I was outside on my own. I hope you like it. 

 

Somebody special once told me

''Let it all out, there is a light inside

Do not be afraid, there is no reason to muddle it and hide.''

Right before I had to give up defeat,

You swore on your own life, yet I had to take my retreat

 

 

 

''See, I once met this angel,

Crystal grey eyes with platinum hair

She had experienced something terrible, her eyes filled with despair

Yet the most beautiful thing was the release of her cry

She let go of the haunting from her sorrow through a song

she released the weights of her shoulders and went to fly.''

 

 

 

Time passes,

yet these words echo through my mind

I prepare myself for a journey, all on my own

Freed myself from the shackles,

chained to their self made throne

I wish I could see your face once more, I feel alone

 

 

 

Strange it feels to dwell these barren desert lands with a plan of my own

These flowers I plucked from the fields at the shore earlier, they seemed less colourful before

I will not look back no, away from the cages I have flown

 

 

 

Night is falling as I reach and make my way through the woods,

I lift my head to the stars that glisten upon the leaves,

Wondering if I will ever see the light up close

So I can prevail these self conflicting wars of mine

 

 

 

I always told myself, you are granted back what you give and gain

but if I live by words of this prophecy,

Then what on earth did I take to deserve this horrid pain?

 

 

 

Since adolescence I have only ever felt half alive,

Nobody to trust, even my own body torning itself from inside

These wounds will be but scars with you by my side

Your words they kept me alive, healed me

Now they haunt me as you are not here

And even angels break down and cry, how will I survive if I only fear

 

 

 

I stop by this creek and look in my reflection, staring in the eyes of the man others told I have grown to be

But all I see is a crying boy, once surrounded by love and peace then hurt for all to see

Somebody young, innocent and selfishly pushed aside by many,

Hiding in self-shame, they left when there was nothing for them to take from me

Yet this boy smiles and laughs through the long periods of pouring rain,

He believes the waters will make life flourish again,

He doesn't need others to see him perished in his own vain

 

 

 

A tear rolls down my eye as I look up to the sky at this calm night

I am howling like the wolves and owls, singing their song of moonlight

Yet the echos of my cry feel so free,

Like the water flowing and the wind blowing,

they take my fears and flee

 

 

 

I have always given love and heart,

In return I am left bare handed, naked and torn apart

Now I continue this trail northwards, it is my path to traverse alone

No longer will I be naive to the promises of men and women I cross, on their deeds I shall rely

I wish I had known beforehand, maybe I would never have pushed myself aside

Perhaps the road I am taking was  much shorter if we had not collide

 

 

 

I ready myself a shelter of branches and leaves to sleep,

No sun sets or rises without a thought of you and I passing by

When you hurt me and ventured further alone, did you even bat an eye?

Sincerely I hope you are happy with the decisions that you made

Although I keep looking back, I know that even our most cherished memories will fade

 

 

 

Dawn is breaking upon the land,

I will continue this journey now again, climbing up this mountain to reach the sky

Perhaps the light will be clearer for me to see from up this high

 

 

 

Now here I stand, on the peak of the mountain

Terminus reached, the echoes of harsh voices from the past still shouting with howls from the wind

I watch as the sun rises behind the hills I crack a smile and break,

these final tears will be blown away, freezing with the chills

 

 

 

My hands stiff from the cold as I finish this garland

These flowers around the statue I carved, they remind me of days now gone

Their colours are already withering, and with them sinister whispers will condone

Now I understand memories of what happened never eradicate

They are channeled here on this place, is there even such a thing as fate?

 

 

 

I close my eyes once more before I will continue my travel

Then I recall a voice in the wind, thoughts about that angel you once told me about,

And for the first time I feel ready to let go and cry

It feels good to be up here, alone, right between earth and sky

Briefly it seemed if you were with me once more,

But it is only lullaby, a remembrance at that shore of you and I

 

 

 

Just like that angel,

you left your sorrows behind to spread your wings

Although I am now alone and carry the burden,

I can make it through and we will reunite as kings

 

 

 

Little update on my arm and the coming weeks!

I can almost stretch and use my arm to it's fullest, but there's still a slight numbness in my wrist and holding a pencil for too long sends stings down my arm, so I do have to take it easy for a week or two, I hope much less.  I'm practicing a lot of yoga to get the neurotic pain out of my arm, and I believe it's slowly working. 

 

Unfortunately I have a huge ass report to write for university, and can't really dodge it's deadline lol so I hope I won't overload my arm with that. 

 

For the coming month I will focus on event art (secret santa, maybe the charity event too again) personal art and my next premade collection. I already have a ton of ideas but I will have to postpone them a bit for now! 

 

CUSTOMS:

I have also received a ton of PM's asking for custom art. Until I'm recovered I will not accept any private commissions. I will not promise dates anytime soon to avoid possible strain on myself. When the time to do customs again is right, I will inform all of you with another status update and have things ready here on my profile.  Bless you all for the support though, it means so very much and motivates me. 

 

LAST:

Happy thanksgiving to the Americans under us. Stay safe from the cold and enjoy all the coming festivity!  

 

OPEN! 20 Premades up! 

Please check them out, I did my very best on them. 

 

It's almost my very 1st GASRversary!! In commemoration to that I will release a large premade collection with late autumn/winter/christmas themes. Currently wrapping up the shop then they're good to go, so stay tuned and watch this space if you're interested!!! 

 

I'm so very excited to release these as I've been working very hard on them. I've been experimenting with various styles and techniques and I hope you all will like the pieces!! 

Will be livestreaming for a bit!! Unless I start stressing then it's byebye hahaha! 

 

 

RANDOM THOUGHT:

I want to be a merman for Halloween but I have nothing to attend, and I could not attend anything without my legs...

 

 

 

 

 

 

HUGE PHILOSOPHIC TEXT INCOMING.

I mainly wrote this text for myself to cope with some things. But I think it's rather interesting what came out of it and so I will not be afraid to share it. Writing is still art. Art doesn't have a shape. Art is an expression.

 

-deep breath-

 

 

Feeling alone is probably the most relatable feeling to all of us, though yet we still feel alone in the emotion.

Isn't that ironic? Because that makes us not alone? 

 

Isn't love just the same? We feel loved when others love us but that doesn't mean we're actually loved.

We only love ourselves at the moment we're loved by others. Or do I miss something here?

Some of us keep fighting and fighting, that we forget what we're fighting for.

That we don't even know why we're fighting.

 

We fight against loneliness but end up alone? 

I'm asking myself right now, why am I fighting? 

For myself?

But am I actually fighting for myself? Or do I simply believe

I fight for somebody I believe who is Me, but actually isn't Me?

What if I surrender, perhaps I will meet Me?

What if Me is a concept that actually doesn't exist?

 

-

 

I finally learned to drop my facade and show myself to the ones that seemingly cared for me. I thought they cared for me because they told me ''I care for you''. I could finally open up my heart and learn to love, as others loved me. It gave me a sense of security. I felt loved and strong. My passion and personality inspired others.

 

But that never was love. What I felt, was what I was told that love was. A concept Imprinted into my brain by society, or the concept of love I could see around me.

 

When Individuals got close to me they learn that all these strengths have their weaknesses. Things they can't comprehend, things that I can't comprehend myself. They worked themselves into a situation and failed to see my smile again and now they left. When I truly needed them because my heart was aching, they weren't here for me. They couldn't see it. My heart felt butchered and so I stopped letting others in for years to come. My perception of people was changing. My emotions became black and white. You stay or you leave.

 

I'll drop you, because that's easier than being left.

Despite, I've never dropped anybody.

Not once in my life. Always another chance.

Yet I got dropped.

 

Perhaps somebody did get dropped by me, 

but I don't know?

 

 

-

 

Wether they left me doesn't matter anymore...

because I'm too harsh,

because I'm honest and direct,

because they got what they needed,

because they learned what they wanted to learn from me,

because they had to worry about themselves,

because I'm actually not all smiles and sunshine,

I don't know?

 

Is it just human nature to move on, or am I alien in that regard?

Am I sick? Does it make me sick when I'm simply tainted by daily life?

Am I sick for still loving those who no longer think about me? Does that make me weak?

Am I sick for losing control over myself? Am I to blame for that? Or are others to blame for developing Me?

Why would I blame? That isn't going to change anything? They might not even know what's bugging Me.

 

I feel like whenever I lose my strong self I lose those around Me.

But did I really falter? Isn't showing weakness and emotion a strength? Willing to move and evolve?

I believe that if we dare to share our emotions, that means we love eachother and that we care.

If you read my novel to this far then that means you love me somehow.

We're somehow connected, and that is so amazing. There's a chance you and I didn't even meet before.

 

I will do my best to live through with these thoughts and keep them closest to my heart.

Because my own self is all I have. I hope it will not fail Me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eyy guys, come join me on my Twitch if you're up to watch me paint for a bit. Working on a difficult artpiece so I'll be snailing through at my own pace. <3

 

 

Random Rant:

It's fascinating how some individuals use the vulnerability and trust with no remorse to obtain what they want, hurting so many in the process. Always check the inside of your shoes for possible vermin. And if there's some in there, SPLAT them!!!! 

Unless it's a harmless little spider ofcourse, be so nice to take it out and allow it to live and clean up other vermin for you, you might become friends.

 

There might be a snake closer in your life than you believe. Check your boots always y'all. That's a fact I definitely learned the hard way. 

 

Have a great night my fellow artist friends, this guy is off to sleep! AND REMEMBER TO CHECK YOUR BOOTS for snakes. 

Hey there! I'm quickly writing this post for my current customers and future customers and anybody who's interested in me, so they know what's up with me and understand why there might be delay with replies and such.

 

My private situation hasn't always been the most stable but I always managed to keep fighting and get myself out of it. But at the moment I'm completely put through. Some terribly unbelievable events that happened last weekend have been the critical blow and drained me completely emotionally. There's so much going on and I've been enduring so much that it ended up with me breathing heavily with random bursts of tears last Thursday. I've spoken with close friends and family about it, and most likely if it wasn't for them I might not be as clear as I am feeling right now. So do not worry I'm not alone, I only feel responsible to refer anybody who cares for me about my situation.

 

Art is the thread of life that keeps me running, so I'm not going away from GASR any time soon. I'm just taking things on my own pace a little bit more. 

 

I don't necessarily need any replies, just remembering there's people who think about me is already enough to keep me going. 

We're all social creatures that sometimes need to vent a little bit, and I can't suggest anybody enough to also keep sharing what's on your brain and heart. Problems are only problems when we make them so. And there never is a reason for us to be ashamed about what we're going through.

 

Thanks for reading, I'm pretty sure that writing this will already help me create some space in my head.

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

https://multistre.am/cap_serum/kingmartinus/layout4/

 

Going live with Cap! Will be doing ugly doodles, maybe some premade painting and some BDO grinding later. 

   H A P P Y     E A S T E R  

 

tbh I'm most likely not going to do anything at all but relax and stuff my face with chocolate.

 

 

 

Back to back chillstream with Capsule! 

https://multistre.am/cap_serum/kingmartinus/layout4/

 

Streaming alongside Capsule tonight, drop her a follow so you won't miss out on any of her lovely artsessions! I will be chilling mostly working on some portraits, and I don't know how long I'll be on!