Martinus

Hey everyone!! 

It's been so long since I wrote a status update or anything in the likes. I miss interacting with you guys so much. I've taken a lot of time on my own trying to heal, but it's so difficult for me to push myself through, especially with how many things are going on in not just my own, but in life...

But I wanted to write this comment for all of you guys who follow me. I was looking back through all the commissions and premades I've done... and I'm so deeply, deeply thankful. I cherish all the memories and moments that I've had and all the friends that I've made since joining this place, now almost 3,5 years ago. 

I hope to be back here very soon. It's mermay, soon it will be pride, and honestly it's just high time to make some happy-vibe DPs! 

Thank you thank you thank you so much... 

Martinus

Heyo everyone, It's been a very long time since I posted here on the Art Haven website, and I hope that you are making it through this epidemic well. Times are tough, but the soothing part of it is that you're not facing it alone, everyone of us is dealing with the same struggles and fear of what is to come. 

For me personally, I needed a lot of time away from making as much art for sale as I used to. After a very long period of time of producing art on a week or even monthly basis, my fuel had somewhat ran out as my health had deteriorated when I didn't look after myself anymore. Things are still tough sometimes but I'm doing my best right now to take care of myself, and to use this isolation to sleep properly, eat at good times, keep my environment clean and take time to reflect on who I am and where I want to head in my life. 

For starters, I have been working on DPs every now and then when I was in the mood, and I've actually managed to release one for the winter auction - It's named ''Frozen'' and is up for bidding by following this link if you're interested to see or maybe bid on it. 

I'm going to try to post frequently again on here, and I will do my best to finish a small set of DPs before christmas or the end of the year.  So if you've been looking forward to more art from me, better watch this space. For now I'm still going to take it chill and finish some other stuff, but I'll be back and restoring my premade shop very thoon. 

Thank you for reading and for all the kind pm's that I've received in the past few weeks. I appreciate them all very much. 

HIT0SHI's Custom Shop

Shameless advertising maybe, but please drop @HIT0SHIa follow and check out their customs shop. They currently have 2 slots open and are capable of drawing both women and men amazingly. (see my DP. ) 

That's all, thank you. Keep your eyes on my own premade shop for the halloween poll that will arrive soon, too. 

More updates will follow.

I kind of didn't really know how to start writing this status. But I wanted to because it's a huge recap on me and all the things I've been through that I haven't shared with many people. May it inspire or comfort you when you feel the same like I do. Make you feel less alone maybe.

Back when I was around the age of 15 and maturing, I failed to realise that the things and special outgoing activities I did with family or friends were slowly losing it's excitement and the joy I experienced. I was procedurally losing joy and willpower to do things on my own. Slightly after that I was blooming socially and somewhat physically, confronting myself with the awkwardness of being open about myself and my interests, teaching myself to socialise. I got a lot of friends and was considered extroverted by a lot of people. However I always felt alone, distant and empty being around my friends or doing any activities.

By the time I graduated in 2017 on my study for graphic design and game art, I fell into a loophole uncertain what to do. I was too insecure to follow my dreams and tried more simple education to find a job suiting me and providing me with economical stability with thoughts on the future. 

I can tell you those plans didn't work out. I had stressed myself out and had everything crashing down upon me. I became hypersensitive to every person important around me that struggled, siphoning all of my energy into them and it felt I was met with zero in return. I started cutting off people around me, stopped doing things I had to do and cut almost everything out of my life. 

Despite starting a new study in September 2018 I literally gave no fuck anymore about anything, but especially myself. I felt like perishing on my own, because it felt like I had nothing or nobody to live for. I couldn't sleep anymore and I had daily outbreaks of crying and anger with no reasoning as to why. The smallest bits of critique on me would hurt me because it'd make me feel utter useless. I believed everybody was looping their way around me and used me for their own good  and would ditch me once I no longer deemed useful to them. Every humble word the people I loved spoke to me were lies and manipulation to keep me just close enough for when they needed me. The feelings of self hatred amplified and felt justified, when indeed almost all of the people I cut off did not even look back as to where I disappeared to or bothered to ask me how I was really doing.

Things felt crucial to me when the joy and euphoria I felt from art had dissipated.  

I felt like a hollow shell of bitterness and failure. I quit my study to take time for myself and to figure myself out. It was honestly the best thing I could've done at the time and I'm thankful for getting that space from my family, even if at times my family kept intervening and pushing me which I understand to be out of love.

In February 2019 I went to the doctor for a minor health complication. She checked up on me and asked me about my diabetes type 1, and how according to my medical documents, I hadn't made a visit to the hospital for any assistance or checkups in over 3 years, and she asked me as to why and how I was doing right now. I ended up crying and opening up, expressing my hopelessness and addressing my state of mind and the more ominous thoughts that I was having. She immediately directed me to a psychologist and made medical appointments for me to get a medical check on everything.

I've somehow met light in July 2019, and it's been a year of fighting and struggling up and down since, but in general I keep climbing and that is the very reason I am writing this status. 

Last week I got the news that I'm accepted into university again after initially dipping out of the admission rounds in June. I received perfect feedback and I couldn't even keep my tears to myself that day. I'm going to be studying for my bachelors in Games and Interactive Design. It was a huge and stressful period where I had to work on a massive admission project and expose my portfolio again while keeping my financial situation stable throughout the corona crisis with no job. I been having therapy to deal with my social anxiety disorder started in July this year and I will use many of the fundamentals I learned on my new art journey and my social life. My social anxiety disorder has been a major part of my life caused by trauma in my early teens, providing me with self-centered cynical thoughts and feels almost like a self fulfilling prophecy.

I occasionally still struggle with ominous thoughts and self hatred, it's honestly humilitiating and upsetting but I've never hurt myself and don't think I ever would now. This must also be my first time admitting I suffer from this to a lot of people, but it will no longer be taboo from me since I feel at heart that a lot of people struggle with or relate to a certain degree.

I'm just happy to pick up life and having a physical feeling of future and progression, to be brave enough to expose my essence and what I stand for to anybody and to say out loud again that I matter. I'm done hiding my sexuality, my diabetes, my interests or my personality. I've hidden myself to so many people throughout my entire teenage years in fear of being hurt or humiliated again. I'm done living on numbed-out survival mode and I'm ready to feel alive and strife for happiness even if it'd be nothing but a dream. It's not about the results anymore for me, it's about the journey that I will make and I'm working on rewiring that in my brain.

I can say art and the people who support my work are a contributing part of what allowed me to mend and pick myself up. The support and people I met that have been patient and supportive of me and my personality worked as a foundation to self acceptance and healing. Every little vote or comment I get on my art helped me realise that I matter and that I have an essence that will never ever go away. Some of these people became really close friends, because they were also interested in the person behind the art. They made me realise that people miss me, want to be friends with me, listen to me, and be there for me.

It took me almost a week to word and write this message and even now when I'm approaching the end I'm tearing up. Because this year was filled with solitude and financial stress but for the first time I continued for myself and didn't give up on me. I feared the worst for myself but I kept on going.

If you made it to the end I thank you for reading. I'm going press the submit button even if I fear to do so because I stand with my words and I will try my hardest to continue living by my words and the things I have learned.

Hello everyone,

I'm going through a lot mentally at the moment. I'm writing this because I got multiple pm's and some things to reply to but my mind and heart can't find the energy to reply right now. It's going to take me at least a day or two for me to reply back to you.

I hope you understand and I thank you for caring and taking the time to check my updates out.

Cheers,

Martinus

Heyo everyone, I'm trying to be productive and stream art again lol, please pop in and say hi. <3

https://www.twitch.tv/martinimartinusart

I have accomplished something in my life!!! I finished my planning for the first half of this month 2 days early LOL! 

That also means I got extra time for premades - drop your suggestions in a comment and I'll see if I can follow up on them before the 14th. 

Heyo everyone, I wanted to write a quick update for those who follow me and are looking forward to new premades to purchase, and those who have ordered a commission from me. 

BIG DEADLINE:

I have a massive deadline on the 9th of August - for what exactly I do not want to specify. I want to keep it to myself to not raise anticipation and in a way to not pressure myself into having to tell anybody would it not work out the way I intend and be disappointed in myself.

Having been severely ill and hospitalised at the end of 2019, I've suffered from financial issues almost all year and have to fight hard against my own lack of focus in combination with the corona crisis, It has been a difficult time for me to pay all my own bills over time and had gotten behind or so in May. I have to focus on more art for money in the time being and will be working on experimental premades that will be sold for cheaper.

In regards of my orders:

@Obsequium @HealSorrow @Purs Although I have contacted everyone with a processing order already, I wanted to send another general update to you guys that I'm going to do my best to proceed with your order.  About halfway into the month I'll have to significantly alter my work-time spend on smaller projects and focus entirely on the specified deadline. I will do my best to proceed as far as I can with your orders before the 14th of July. Would I not be able to finish your order in time or provide you with a visual update, I will pick up everything around August the 9th and contact you again then.

Times ahead for me are still tough and leave me anxious but I feel like I'm pacing positively and upwards. No road is without bumps however and I wanted to write an open status on it! 

Premades:

I've been currently working on random premades - some random and experimental, some are the usual animated premades as you would expect from me. I will sell all that I'm working on on July the 14th 8PM Art Haven Time (UTC). So I hope you're looking forward to that.  All the money I earn will help me endure the financial stress I've been in while simultaneously allowing me to focus with a clear and stress-free mind on the ''BIG DEADLINE''.

Thank you very much for reading and for your support always. I hope you all had a wonderful monday 

(click image for the link to my auction shop.)

At last!!! My auction is live. I'm so excited!!! 

This is the first time I'm offering such a high resolution piece as this one (3840x2676 pixels.) and am really happy with how she turned out.

I hope you guys enjoy the piece. 

Hey everyone!!

My intention was to have my auction up by now, but there seem to have been some errors with my application on the site, so it's not ready yet, but I hope I can get it to work as quick as possible. 

Also here to give a heads up that I have 1 custom slot left, and I'm going to be closing customs for an indefinite period of time on the 26th, to focus on my current orders and premades / other fun projects!  If you want to order the remaining custom slot from me, make sure to read the FAQ at the bottom of my About Me page and send me a PM with your form. 

Cheers! Stay safe and happy.